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Taken together, these websites and apps have made a permanent bathhouse of our surroundings. On a single Sunday in the fall of 2012, for example, users sent 37,435,829 messages of love, lust, and denial. It is convenience itself: a person’s phone is constantly replenished with a dozen miniature photos of smiling faces (or other body parts), and a fellow can click and chat with other guys, note that they’re only 100 metres away, and then arrange what was once called “a discreet encounter.” This is hardly a fringe activity: more than four million men have the app on their phones, and it’s now used in nearly 200 countries. The app alerts men to the proximity (and sexual inclinations) of other men, not while they’re in a seedy bar, but while they’re walking their Rottweiler, or chatting with their mom at a nice café. We are permanently ready.įor a dramatic illustration of our future sex lives, look no further than the smart phone application Grindr, launched in 2009. Since websites like Dudesnude and Manhunt picked up steam in the early 2000s, men like Dan have been able to order in their sex (or be ordered in themselves) as easily as a pizza. He might have encountered such erotic flippancy in any number of off-line venues, but as we export more of our sex lives online it seems there has been a correspondent crowding of casual sexual availability (and sexual rejection, too). This time, the man said he was only interested in getting together if Dan could provide an additional player for what’s known as a “tag team” event.ĭan related this to me while frowning into a cup of Earl Grey. A few weeks later, though, he noticed that the fellow had changed his profile so it now read, “Looking for a long-term relationship.” Dan rallied and asked him out again. “Sorry,” came the reply, “only interested in hookups.” Fair enough, thought Dan, and he moved along. Driven to action at last, Dan asked him out for dinner. Neighbourhood pubs and dance clubs are steadily being replaced by chattering arenas in the cloud.Ī little while ago, Dan was talking with a guy on a website called Manhunt whom he had known (through his online avatar, at least) for two years. Today that collection of filters includes our laptops and phones. In the past, our hunting grounds were almost exclusively limited to designated bars, bathhouses, and empty parks. Gay men have always looked for sex through a filter.